Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
