K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
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