So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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