No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
