It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
