what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
