Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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