Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
