I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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