6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
