i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
