Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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