I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
