he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
