This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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