i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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