I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My pussy is not your playground.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
