I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
