if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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