I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
