i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i believe in u and ur pee
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
