I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She's not a foreskin expert like you
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
