Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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