Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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