we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
