You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize