he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
