dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
