i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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