I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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