i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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