CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
