Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
