Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
