awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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