so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
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