I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You don't make any sense
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