It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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