Whod you bang
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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