dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
