whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
