so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
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Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
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There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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