Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
