I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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