38 yer olds are good kisserssss
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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