please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
