i already hear my dad disowning me
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
