Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
tell me about the eggs
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