I am puke
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
