I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
