My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
