I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
