She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
