omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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