and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
