She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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