i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
