I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
