HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
