My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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