Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
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he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
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I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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