listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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