Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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