all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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