I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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