I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
