i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Im part way to drunk.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
