Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Randomize
