No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
