So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
