I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
