Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
