Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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