i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Are my feet made of real feet?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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