My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
