Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just pee around me
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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