He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
