hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
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I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
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This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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