Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
